RESPONIBLE LENDING MY A$%E!!

I think it's safe to say, my finances are pretty screwed at the moment. I am ashamed to say, i have been getting by using those internet payday loans. Last month i borrowed...*nervous cough*..£300. Not so bad, except that i had to pay back £440. ( i admit, the first loan i took out was only £80, and it has been steadily increasing) The problem with this is, by the time i paid this back, paid my bills, i have exactly 0 left. So this morning, i did exactly what i have been doing for..um..well, a while, and as soon as the text came through telling me my loan re-payment had gone through, i set out to borrow another £300. I figured this would pay the remainder of my bills, and allow me to like, eat and stuff. So there i am cockily waiting for the loan to be processed when, " Sorry, we are commited to responsible lending, we can not lend you this amount. However we can offer you £85. Would you like to accept this offer? AAAAAARRRGGHHHH!!! This won't even pay my phone and broadband! This has never happened before! How dare they!!Responsble lending my arse!! Responsible lending would be, not lulling me into a false sense of security for *mumble* months! Responsible lending would be, not leaving me in the shit like this! I mean, how responsible is that huh? HUH? Responsible lending would be, warning me last time i took out a loan. Something along the lines of: " Dear miss carter, please note, that borrowing £300 this month will leave you financially destitute!" If they had warned me that this was going to happen, i PROBABLY would not have borrowed that amount last time! I'm getting married in 5 weeks! *sob* At this rate Ben will have to get his suit from...*choking sob*....a charity shop!! I think i'm going to vomit.

Conspiracy theory?

Call me crazy ( and many have ) but I'm convinced that my housing association are using my mental health issues to drive me out of my house, in order to install a new tenant " more suited to the area". Confused? Yea me too, but bear with me.

Ok, ok, so maybe my conspiracy idea is a tad extreme, but my housing manager has honestly expressed that i may be happier in a different area. She's supposed to be on my side, but when i told her the neighbours give me evils she came out with that little gem. Surely a smile and " you'll soon settle in dear." Would have been better considering I'm becoming increasingly paranoid. Perhaps i should explain the reason behind the neighbours trepidation. The house i live in is supported housing, and the only housing association in the street ( the rest are all privately owned. ) I got the house because we were about to be made homeless, and because i have mental health issues ( don't judge me yet! ) we were housed here. The house hasn't exactly had the greatest tenant history, as the last woman who lived here put the house up for sale! After doing so, she then carted all her furniture onto the front lawn for an impromptu yard sale. Classic loony behaviour. The previous tenants weren't much better, hence the neighbours suspicion towards me.

Anyway, by now i bet you want to know exactly what my mental health issues are huh? The thing is i have ocd ( obsessive compulsive disorder ) It drives me even more crazy than i actually am. It centres around cleaning really, and having everything just so.I have like a daily routine that has to be done in a certain order. It wouldn't be so bad except when i sit down and look around all i see is dirt, and the germs, oh god the GERMS! You get the idea! So why exactly do i think they are using this to drive me out? A few weeks ago some water leaked under my kitchen floor tiles. I complained and asked for them to be fixed. ( now before you think i am truly nuts bear in mind they know full well about my ocd ) So they replace the several ruined tiles, and guess what? They are completely different tiles, they don't match! Not even close. Is that it ?? You're probably saying? To me this i the end of the world! I took great care of that kitchen floor. I scrub it by hand ( yes, on my hands and knees. ) And i polish it! Now every time i walk into my kitchen and see those horrible mismatched tiles, I gt this twitch in my eye that just will not go! And the big vein in the side of my head throbs like something the hulk would get. *sob*. They know what they are doing to me, and they just do not care! They say as long as the tiles have been replaced i will have to wait until they get new tiles in.

So now it's down to a battle of wills, them vs me! And I'm not moving dammit! I'll just have to avoid the kitchen won't i? Their tricks won't work on me-ha!

Random memory.

When we were in our teens, we spent most of our time hanging around the local bus stop. Drinking, smoking, swearing, and generally thinking we looked cool, while glowering at the neighbours. Thinking they were intimidated by us "hard nuts" ( where as in reality we were terrified they would call the cops on us, who would confiscate our cider :(
Today i found myself chuckling at a fond memory of these days!
So, in a bus stop, wearing our catalogue bought Levis we stood! One of the boys is kicking a piece of dried up dog crap that had gone white and crumbly. Lets call the boys Dai and Dean ( better not to use real names ) So Dai says " I always thought white dogs shit white and other dogs shit brown!" We stare, open mouthed and blinking in amazement. Alas he is serious, and Dean says " spotted dogs are fucked then aren't they Dai."