Sunday 26 September 2010

How to find your blogging voice.

If i have to read one more blog post about what you had for breakfast ( with photos for goodness sake ) I am going to scream! This is the sort of blog post, i have come across time and time again when browsing blogs, looking for ideas for my own posts. And then there are the pro blogger, who insist you need to find a niche for your blog, and stick to it.

Personally i don't agree. There may be several things you are interested in writing about, and why should you have a different blog for each one? That's just not good time management.  How are you going to find your blogging voice, if you just write about one thing, and who really wants to spend hours reading a blog about model airplanes? The main thing is blogging is supposed to be fun. There are five main types of blog pots, why not try your hand at each of them and see what suits you? Find your blogging voice, and have fun.

The personal experience post.

This is simply a written account of something you have experienced. Try and make it an experience that will interest people ( please no more accounts of what you've had for breakfast, lunch or any other meal.) It doesn't have to be dramatic, as long as readers can relate. Maybe the experience has taught you a lesson some how, or changed your view point, or helped you understand a situation you otherwise would not have understood.

The real life drama post.

It is truly amazing what some people go through and live to tell the tale. If you can put into words an account of your , or someone Else's dramatic true life tale, then you will have something unique your readers will be interested in reading. If you can't find anyone who has had such an experience, then write about something you have seen on the news or read in your local newspaper. Such stories are all around us, fires, flood, tornado's or even someone who has been reunited with a long lost relative. These events happen to the people in our lives every day.

The personality post.

This type of post is a sort of profile, or interview. OK, so you are not going to get the chance to interview Brad Pitt, but there are thousands of UN known people who are unique, and would be interesting to readers. People are interested in people, what they are like, what they have to say, and what they are doing with their lives. A really great way do to this type of post and get your blog noticed, is to find some one who writes a blog you enjoy, and ask if you can do a profile of them on your blog. Chances are they will then write about your post on their blog,n attracting their readers instantly. Ask them what tips or advice they have to offer ( especially good if you do have a niche blog.) What they have learnt in the time they have been blogging, etc.

  The opinion post.

Pretty much exactly what it sounds like. Especially good if you have a strong opinion on a controversial subject. You will evoke just as strong a reaction from your reader, and they will comment on your blog, starting a discussion, which in turn will get people coming back to your blog time, and time again.

The how-to post.

Again, great if you do have a niche blog, but great to add variety to your blog. Share your knowledge on what you want to talk about, tips you have picked up, even cooking recipes you have found particularly good. Base your articles on your personal experiences and what you have to offer from your own life. You don't have to be an expert ( I am certainly not ) you just have to tell people what you have found to work for you.

Trying out each of these different methods, can only serve to enrich your blogs content, and offer more variety for your readers, even if they only return to your blog to see what you are going to write about next, it can't be bad can it?

Wednesday 22 September 2010

The top 15 most annoying male habits EVER!

1. Their idea of childcare is to stick the kids in front of finding Nemo.

2. They always  have to have the last word in an argument, and refuse to acknowledge that "Just because" is not a reasonable or valid point.

3. They always manage to drop their dirty socks next to the laundry basket, instead of in it.

4. They leave tiny hairs all round the sink after shaving.

5. They think we don't know about their secret porn stash.

6. They complain we spend money on celebrity magazines and then nick them before we get a chance to read them. ps. just for fun, tease them about reading girls mags and watch the big vein in his temple throb.

7. They crumple the pages of said magazines.

8. They pout like little boys when they can't have sex.

9. When nagged into doing the hoovering, they always manage to make it look worse than before they started. What do they do, empty the hoover bag on the floor?

10. They then sit around looking smug because they know you won't ask them to hoover again for another month.

11. They only ever have money for a takeaway if it's their turn to cook.

12. To them walking the dog means tying it up outside the bookies for an hour.

13. They think you having a twenty minute bath counts as 'me time'.

14. They try and pass x box games off as great gifts, claiming "as we always complain they spend so much time on it they thought they could buy us one we can play together." How considerate!

15. He- oops, i mean THEY use our pretty candle holders as ashtrays if they can't find one nearby.

Ladies i'm sure you can think of many more, so please send them to me. And as my wonderful 5 blog followers are mostly men ( ok so one of them is my husband- hi honey!) I bet you can think of just as many for us. So, email me at meami_5@live.com with your lists for women, and i would LOVE to post them on my blog.



                                                                                    

Sunday 12 September 2010

Going ape!

Friday night, the kids were in bed, and the big brother final was on. When almighty hell broke loose outside. Some idiot was screaming and shouting at the top of his lungs. This went on for about twenty minutes, when i finally lost my rag. I stormed outside to be greeted by one very drunk man, pacing up and down the street, yelling " SADIE, SADIE, COME HERE GIRL."

" Excuse me, but my children are in bed trying to sleep, do you mind keeping your voice down?"

I asked politely, with murder in my eyes.

" I've lost my dog."

The drunken man whined.

" Alright, but you've been shouting for twenty minutes, she obviously isn't here, can you just keep it down? My kids are sleeping."

In reply to which i received a torrent of abuse. Now, i have to admit when it comes to drunks, i am definitely not the most tolerant of people, so at this point i completely lost my rag, and became what i can only describe as "hopping mad." I definitely even hopped a little. Rant over, i stormed back inside, to find my husband rolling on the floor laughing.

" What the hell is so funny?"

I pouted. Giving him the glare. ( the "watch it, or no sex for a month" type glare.) So, he finally stopped laughing long enough to tell me;

" You looked so fierce, and hard out there, giving this big bloke what for, with your bright blue dressing gown, covered in cute little monkeys."

I looked down, and sure enough i was wearing the dressing gown my seven year old daughter picked out for me last Christmas, grinning monkeys covering every inch. The whole damn street has now witnessed my bad ass attitude, while sporting the un-sexiest nightwear known to man...or monkey, for that matter! Hmmm.... maybe Ben can do the school run for a while.



My writing projects have been going well this week. I wrote a short story called "Taking Liberty" ( it's in my blog, so if you want to take a peek, and tell me what you think, you can find the link in my archives and links tab, at the top of this page.) I submitted the story to a writing review site, and the response has been amazing! One of the reviews said:

" I would not be surprised to find this in a book of short story's i just paid good money for. Excellent twist, and commercial quality."

I'm thrilled! I also wrote a guest post for a great site called piggybankpie. It's a great site for bloggers. The article is called "Ways to overcome writers block" . There are some great tips in there, and something for everyone, so check it out at piggybankpie

Sunday 5 September 2010

You have got to be kidding me??

Late last night i received an email, nothing shocking there. It appeared to be from a Mr. Nom Cho, although when i looked closer the true location of the email was from some one called Michelle. Mr Nom Cho stated that he works for a bank in japan, one of his wealthy clients died leaving 24 million unclaimed, just sitting in a bank account. This client has no next of kin, and he was in desperate need of some one to claim to be this clients relative. If i did this i would receive 30% of the 24mil!!

Can you believe it!! Gob smacked i am, totally gobsmacked. It has to be the oldest trick in the book. So i sent him/her this email in reply.

OK, just kidding! Here's what i sent to him/her:
Sir,
I have just three questions for you.
1. If you are who you say you are, why did your email address come up under a different name?
2. I suppose you are going to ask me for my bank details next?
3. Not really a question, but still.. If you are going to try and scam people why use the oldest Internet scam around, you haven't even varied it, just used word for word, the oldest trick in the book!

Emma Johnson.

So, tutting away, i forgot about it, and then the cheeky ba*$!*d emailed me this message:

Dear Friend,






i must let you understand that the name you saw in my first mail was dull to a computer error that is why i as that you should send me mail with my other e mail address, i know you we think that i am trying to act funny but the fat is that i must do things that know one we know about in my country and my bank may know that i am the one that contact you so you shoud try to understand why i did that.



so i we advice you to get back to me so that we move on, i am not going to ask yu to send me your account information all i need from you is for you to help me stand as the next of kin so that both of us an move this funds down to your country.



You should not have anything to worry about, I will do everything lawfully required to ensure that the project goes smoothly, it shall pass through all Laws of International Banking, and you have my word and I agree to your 30% fare deal. There is no risk involve all I want is your cooperation to make the transfer a success, the transfer will be done legally An attorney In the name of Mr. Woo Cheng a Korean Citizen will prepare the necessary Affidavits, which shall put you in place as next of kin; he will obtain the necessary clearances from the Hong Kong authorities that will cover all the aspects involved in this transaction. This attorney shall handle all matters of probate on your behalf, he will have all the documents perfected, and with these documents he shall come forward to my bank to apply for the immediate release and transfer of the funds to the account you shall open on your behalf, hence your presence may not be required here in Hong Kong Unless you so desire. I have been a banker for many years and I know perfectly how the system works. Having resolved to entrust this transaction into your hands, I want to remind you that, it needs your commitment and diligent follow up. If you work seriously, the entire transaction should be over in a couple of days.



READ THE FOLLOWING AND GET BACK TO ME:



Firstly, how old you are, you should note that this project is highly capital intensive, this is why I have to be very careful, I need your total devotion and trust to see this through. I know we have not met before though I will be coming to your country after the successful transfer of these funds out of my bank for the final sharing, but still I am very confident that we will be able to establish the necessary trust that we need to execute this project.



I am now in contact with a foreign offshore online bank in the United Kingdom; I will intend that you open an account in your name in this foreign bank hence we will not be making use of your personal Bank account. The money would be transferred to your account which you will open in the foreign bank for both of us in your name, this is the best way, I have found; it will protect us from my bank. I want us to enjoy this money in peace when we conclude. So you should listen to my instructions and follow them religiously. Also you have to know that I cannot transfer this money in my name, as my bank will be aware that it is from me, this is where I NEED YOU.



As result of this, you will have to open an account in the corresponding bank. I will obtain a certificate of deposit from my bank, it will be issued in your name, and this will make you the real owner of the funds. After this, the money will be banked online for both of us. We can then instruct the bank to transfer our various shares into our respective home bank accounts though at this time I would have come over to your country to meet with you. I will also perfect the documentations with the assistance of my attorney to give the transaction the legal right.



Before I commence, I will need you to send me a copy of any form your identification (Driver's license, Work ID or International passport). I want to be sure that I am transacting with the correct person. As soon as I get these from you, I will commence the paper work with the assistance of my attorney. I hope you will understand why I need all these, the money in question is big and I want to ensure that I know you well before I proceed to give you all the details to commence the project, I will also send you my Identities and family album upon receipt of your identification. I will send the name and contact details of the United Kingdom Bank to you as soon as I have confirm that we could make use of it because I have to be sure that it is an affiliate of my bank that can protect the funds before you can commence communication with them.



Once again please ensure that you keep this project CONFIDENTIAL, do not discuss it with anybody, because of the confidential nature of this transaction and my work. Please reply soonest with the required Identification
                                  
 
Can you believe it? Oh, so that's a relief, you don't want my bank details you just need my passport!! Well sure...go ahead...you want one of my kidneys with that!!! OH PLEASE!!
 
This jerk really does not give up. Got me wondering though, i mean i bet they would be able to sell my passport for thousands right? The sad thing is, people actually fall for these scams, people HAVE fallen for these scams! Hmmm how embarrassing. So beware people, these losers are out there, and to the con artists writing these crappy emails...LEARN TO FREAKING SPELL!!!!

Wednesday 1 September 2010

How to catch a tiger...

No, I'm not really going to teach you how to catch a tiger! I just wanted to get your attention, and make the point that an interesting title really does make a difference to whether or not your reader notices you, and continues reading.

When it comes to the crunch and you actually sit down to write, it can be a little overwhelming to know where to start. So, I've compiled a few tips that i have picked up and found helpful to get the creative juices flowing.

Writing tips, and where to start.

  1. Spend at least half an hour a day writing.- If you are trying to write while having a full time job and family, then it may be an idea to write a journal in your spare minutes. Write wherever, and whenever you can. If you continuously hone your craft, you will find it easier to get into a creative frame of mind, and writing will become easier over time so when you sit down to write your article/book/short story/blog you won't find yourself staring at a blank screen for long periods of time.


 2. Keep a notebook.- Take your notebook everywhere. Write snatches of conversations, arguments, and describe places that you visit. If you are sat on a bus or train, then describe the appearance of another passenger. Imagine and describe their personality's, and background. You will soon have a rich resource of topics to write about, characters to use, and settings for places to use.

3. Read as much as possible in a wide range of genres.- This will help keep you aware of what topics are popular, and selling well. Use what has already been written to spark off you're own ideas. I don't mean copy other peoples work, but maybe you can expand or play around with ideas that have already been used.

4. Start by creating your characters, and their backgrounds. If you know your characters inside out their dialogue will match their personality's, and backgrounds. Characters without a background are flat and uninteresting. Picture your character, and describe them. Do they have flaws in their appearance or character?